How Not To Become Invisible

I remember when Robby, my second husband, and I came to his family dinner parties we would be given a place to sit, and then the next generation down would get busy in the kitchen, jabbering away with each other. The next next generation down, the grandkids, would acknowledge us as they came in, give us a kiss on the cheek, and then launch into conversation with each other. At the dinner table verbal and intensive crossfire communication would continue amidst laughter and lively banter while we'd sit at the head of the table in quiet wonder. It was fun at first to see and hear them but most of it gave us little opportunity to insert intelligent remarks. We'd go home and Robby would say. "You know, at these get-togethers I feel invisible, almost irrelevant. No one asks me questions or talks to me. I might as well be part of the furniture." I had to agree, but I'd say, "Maybe you could call them to order like you used to call your students to order in your classroom when you taught geology. Then ask a question or two."

"Heck, I shouldn't have to do that!" he'd say. They're my grandkids. I have so much to offer, so much experience. After all, I earned a fellowship at MIT, got my PhD at Washington University, helped discover bauxite in Jamaica and the Dominican Republic during WWII. I have great stories to tell about those days. When I got married (and that's a story too,) we often lived in foreign countries, even took the whole family on a round the world cruise for a year. I once rode a donkey up into the hills of Afghanistan. I've been to Kenya, even lived and taught in Australia and Brasil. Wouldn't that be interesting to them?"

"Well, it should be," I'd counter, "but they are so wound up in their own lives. I suppose we could get a word in about them to catch their attention." He'd say, "I've tried that, but I know so little about their lives. Even listening to them, I get lost. I think computers have done that."

Robby's grandchildren did love their "Granddad." It was simply that generational gap most of us find ourselves in when they're beyond the lap-sitting, "Read-to-me" stage. I myself didn't ask my grandparents enough questions. Now I'm thinking of writing about them in a book to pass down to future generations and frankly, it's slim pickin's. Still, whatever tidbits I can offer would flesh out the statistical facts like dates of birth, death, marriage, children, etc. that show up on census records when a person starts looking up their ancestors.

After we're gone, there will no doubt be many times the kids will say, "I wish I'd asked Grandma (or Grandpa) about that." I've said it myself. I probably have a few more stories about generations past because I lived with my grandmother for over two years when I went to college. Unless we and our forebears were famous and others found us worthy to write books about, most of our stories will be lost. That's sad, but it's a fact. We need to get busy and write. Not in the "I did this and we did that" style, however. We should write in a captivating way that will snag their interest. Can't do that? Then learn how. Classes in writing memoir are popular these days and you meet many people in them who have fascinating stories. Some could even make the best sellers' list. These fellow writers will encourage you while you do the same for them.

When I go to antique shops or thrift stores and see family pictures, no doubt torn from somebody's precious album, I nearly weep. Here is a little girl all dressed up in her Sunday best with hat and gloves,  long stockings and polished shoes, standing erect for the camera with a sweet smile on her face. Who was she? How did her picture get out of the family? Didn't anyone care? It could have been included in a book of memoir. At least someone would know her name and something about her.

Our memories are a treasure trove, meant to be shared in some compelling manner. We don't have to bore our kids. We can record our story in some beguiling way that might even gain the attention of some one or two of our descendants far down the line. It's surprising how much that was hidden in the mind's attic comes to light when you begin to write. So, you out there! Why not start a blog? Better yet, make it a book. Improvise a little, even a lot. Use some writers' license, have fun! At least you won't become invisible.