The lyrics of a song from “The King and I” have been coming to me lately. “Getting to know you; getting to know all about you...” Life keeps us busy getting to know others but when time starts running out we might wonder if we've even begun to know ourselves. Now that my great grandies are coming along I’m guessing we get to know ourselves better by observing children and remembering what it was like to be a child and how we became what we are two generations beyond.
By the time you’re a great grandparent you may begin to see yourself in your great grandchildren. Oh, I don’t mean physical similarity but just the way a baby looks at life. A baby has both an inward, dreamlike sense of life, one he apparently brings with him, and an objective waking one, new to him in every way. We cannot know what goes on in the infant’s mind but we get a glimpse of how he or she is adjusting to waking moments when trying to make sense of this new world.
I’ve been told that age is infancy. In old age we begin to gather up memories like dreams and if you’re like me, I am selective of the ones I want to keep in case they go with me into another new world. Already I see myself becoming more interested in the outside world, both this one and the suspected worlds beyond. I know about as much of these as a babe. It takes some degree of pondering to get to know both the outer universe and the inner psyche you take into it.
Others either see you as declining mentally or stepping into a life beyond this one. Each day I feel like I’m doing the latter.
That’s my wish for today. Robin, my daughter, would call that “a rocket of desire.” Mary Baker Eddy says, “Desire is prayer...” and I say? Well, I say that I see a couple of conflicting rockets going out from me:
- order in my life
- spontaneity in my life
Both are good rockets, so why do they not cooperate? Why do they fight for first place?
Well, I won’t get the answers here. They’ve been evading me too long. But you see, that’s why I can’t seem to get a grip on order. Spontaneity wins every time. Write a schedule, plan my time, and the next day I get an invitation to go out with my daughter to an afternoon matinee showing a movie we’ve been wanting to see.
I suspect we all have our rockets to deal with, and getting to know the real me? Well, even now there’s always at least one more tomorrow.
Finding balance in life in a world marred by human fralities is hard. The adage is true that we can be our own worst enemies. I have my list for the day and my rocket of desire ready to go but then an unexpected something bombards my best intentioned plans. I try to flow with the change but I fight it. I say a prayer and am learning to let it go. Sometimes the chaotic days turn out to be unexpected blessings. I am a planner and a list person. That will never change but keeping the perspective you speak of; order and spontaneity combined with our adult self and our infant self, seems to help keep a comfortable balance. Today I will keep this in mind as I watch my grandchildren and also plan for out of town guests. I will release my 'grip on order' and enjoy the ride, knowing the balance continually shifts and that as I steer the helm, my boat will stay afloat, especailly wtih God by my side. Thank you for the sage reminder, Joyce. Hope your day is special in every way with a good balance of order and whim. xo, Julie
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